When Gender becomes a topic.
Updated: May 6
Greetings, to all who are reading this,
This is Queen writing. DaLadee isn't writing this one. First and foremost, I have to offer an apology. I have to apologize to some people that were on an Instagram Live I was apart of a few days ago. I would like to apology for bringing any triggers, for hurting feelings, or any pain I may have caused anyone for what I spoke. I am apologizing because inside if that conversation I had to realize that everyone is in a place of healing and I feel as though I thought it was an open space to express I took what was meant to be a fun conversation and changed the energy. That was not my space to do so and it was wrong of me to do so. I am ever growing and learning and doing self examination. In doing so I realize I owed an apology.
Now, let's get into my personal perspective of the topic that was being discussed. The topic was gender. To which I gave some opinions. Of course these opinions were not well received and I knew they wouldn't be. However, I was under a slight impression that we could be open with our thoughts.
Well some of the things I said caused some people to leave. That is what I want to discuss. See, we often times have these very one sided conversation around this topic. I do not personally appreciate it. It almost feels like the LGBTQ+ community is trying to bully us into absolute acceptance into what they feel. That is not fair.
See when it comes to this topic people often want compartmentalize the two. As, if there is no minglinging of the two. Now I am not a male, so I really can not comment on how males view this, or even if they care. However, I would like to note that I've yet to see a trans-man decide to attempt to join male sports teams.
I bring up that point for a reason. For me as a naturally born woman, I see a lot of things about this movement I do not like. Aside from the history of Black women and its unique stories and challenges, there is the story of women.
Women worldwide have been alienated by a patriarchal system as a whole. So, we have have a reason not to like this or agree with it. And these reason have little to do with the fact that this exist. It has more to do with how it is expressed.
See, sex is what gave birth to gender. Then, you have gender roles based on sex. Which is in many ways based on biology. It is always interesting to me, how inside these discussions there are people who want to bring up chromosomal abnormalities as such as a reason to justify or explain their choices. They are not mutually exclusive. A chromosomal abnormality, is not the same as a choice or feeling. It is something that went structurally wrong in the incubation process. This isn't the same as changing your gender or labeling yourself as something different than the societal norm. Gender roles were based on sex. Sex is determined by your genitals. Inside of this there are biological differences between men and women. Men for the most part are naturally physically stronger than women, they are faster than women, and sometimes they think differently than women. All of these scientific facts are what to help shape gender roles.
So, when you've worked hard at your sport your whole life to be the best. Then your dream is snatched away from you because someone who has a biological advantage over you decides they are you. That's oppression. Women have been oppressed enough.
Why is it that its concerned horrible for a woman to express that, someone's desire to identify a certain way interfere with the plans, life, and mental wellbeing of who they are as a woman? Why are women who feel this way demonized or censored.
When I hear things like 3rd gender ect... I'm amazed at how there is little fight there is,, for these different genders to fight for their space in society. The fight is to be accepted into another gender where this is already a culture. There are things that unite us. If a man slaps the shit out of a woman, that is not socially acceptable. Yet if a trans-woman slaps a woman, its fine because he feels like a woman therefore he is a woman, and his masculine essence and or natural advantage isn't taken into consideration. How is that fair to women? How is it that their gender is fighting for its own sport teams and leagues. How is it that they aren't fighting for their own personal spaces? A trans woman will no more know what's its like to have a cycle, than a natural born woman would know what's it's like to go through a dilation process to keep their vagina open. We aren't the same.
I personally do not feel it is a problem for a person to be who they are. However, I think the version of acceptance being sought doesn't consider the negetive implications that acceptance causes to the group that is being almost forced to accept them.
Why is the obligation or responsibility on natural born women to shoulder the burdens that will be placed on them by this form of acceptance by this particular group? There are simply some things that are scared to a particular sex and this acceptance doesn't seem to care about the negative affect it can impose on women.
Women tend to be the nurtures of a two sex dynamic. That usually results in women often times putting their own wellbeing to the side for the wellbeing of others. For those of us who don't, we are often times shamed for expressing our thoughts and feelings. How is it okay to say girl we are with you as long as you accept what I say?
To me this is yet another form of male oppression of women. (TRIGGER POINT WARNING) I think and I feel that these are males who are unable to compete with their own sex. Since, they are the weaker of their sex, be it psycology,physical,psychology,, or otherwise, they choose to build themselves on the backs and oppression of women. Women have fought long and hard enough for a long time for their position in the societal world. It is not fair, that a trans-woman can come into the spaces of natural born women and dictate to us what we should think, how we should feel, and how we should ignore our needs for the sake of them building who they feel they are.
What's wrong with a tran-woman space? Why MUST it be fully acceptance into a natural woman's space.
Women have most times always made space on some level for alternative genders. Not a much as they have in today's time, but they always have. They are the biggest supporters of gay men, drag queens, and all many of other labels. Yet, now this support and acceptance to me look toxic and unhealthy for these women. Yet, they are working so hard to support and be accommodating to other, they fail to thing of their own wellbeing.
It is possible to support people without harming yourself. Yet until natural born women are able to express themselves in an honest way with out being made to feel wrong, be shamed, and censored because someone else feelings will be hurt; this hard conversation will be continue as such. Natural born women will champion this cause until the day they wake up and realize they have participated in their own lessening of appreciation in society because they have championed the cause of other to the point of usurping their own.
I like transwomen who look at all sides and understand that they don't have to dismiss the feelings if natural born women to be who they are.
This interview had to be the most understanding interview I've seen coming out of the LBGTQ+ community. Now, many were upset about the things this person had to say. However the truth is a pill that not easily swallowed and it doesnt matter rather you like what a person says or not. The truth doesn't need your agreement. Only humans require that
You may ask why Flame Monroe is used in this Blog. Well I'd have to say this is the most balanced conversation I've ever heard. If you don't like it maybe its time to reflect on how you interact with the world. Meaning what you put in and what you feel you're entitled to.
Much Love all,