How to Marry a Great Black Man as a Black Woman.
Namaste Ladies. Yes fellas if you are reading this, this post is not for you. This post is for women. Sort of like when you, pull your homie to the side and coach him up; same difference here. So, if you decide to keep reading know we do not care about your comments. This is for the ladies.
I happened to be scrolling through my facebook news feed, and in one of the Occult groups I am in, a lady asked how the women
that got married managed to marry great men. This woman also stated that he only managed to get engaged once, to a man that was completely wrong for her. This is not an uncommon issue I have learned listening to many women during the course of marriage.
I am a currently working on 14 years of marriage. I married when I was 20 years of age. We were both babies. Now I am not gonna tell you that this has been 14 years of pure fairy tale bliss. There have been ups and downs,backs and forths, and even with all that, I would not change my decision to marry so early.
See for me I knew at the age of 9 I wanted to have a family. I also knew I wanted it to be an intact nuclear family. So at 9 I knew I had to behave that way to get what I wanted. I set standards for myself,because I wanted to attract someone that held themselves to a standard. Did I bust my ass a few times? Of course. I wanted to marry and be a virgin, I was unable to accomplish that goal. So, I had a conversation with myself, I said okay so you are having sex, so are you going to stop... no. So, since you are not going to stop then you need to ensure that you do not get pregnant. Let me tell yall right now, had I of gotten pregnant the baby would not have come. I would have aborted. I was not about to walk into to a man and tell him to love me and my flaws and here take care of my mistake I made with some bum or someone who doesn't want to be a family to me. That was below my standard for myself.
However, I do understand that people make mistakes and shit happens,but that was just not on my level. So when I moved out on my own I really dated. The dating game is fun. After being hurt a couple of times, I had to sit down and have another conversation with myself. In, this conversation we discussed how I am doing something wrong to be hurt and played with by these guys.
Well, I figured it out. I was dating all wrong. See, dating is just that dating. You are not exclusive with this person. A boyfriend well it matters but it really doesn't, because this person is still single. So, I was putting all my romantic energy into a man who was still single. So, I knew then that dating exclusively was the issue. See what happens is, we as women tend to get wrapped up in this guy we like and expect him to naturally join himself to us. Well, while that is possible that is not realistic for a lot of women. So I dated several men at one time. I was always honest about it.
When they start playing that game asking about what are we, I would simply say we are dating. THen you know 21 questions would begin. This is when the shit got real for a lot of these guys.
Question 2: :Well are you dating other people?
Answer 2: Aren't you dating other women? I don't ask you about them so why are you asking me about what I am doing outside of you? The answer to your question is yes. I am dating other people.
Question 3: Well what if I asked you to stop?
Answer: Does that mean that we will be exclusive? Because if you have not asked me to day exclusively.... then I am single and I can do what I please.
Of course, at this point the dude would get in his feelings and ask questions or talk about how women are not supposed to behave that way. This is also the point in which I let this man know that; 1. This will be the first and last time he will be able to ask me any questions about my personal business. 2. If he wants to ask questions then he wants to either A) be exclusive B) he wants to pay a bill. If he wanted to be exclusive then this is the point where we start to remove our masks and get real with each other. If he wanted to pay a bill his questions are only allowed as it pertains to the bill he pays. For instance, wanna know who on my phone, run me that phone bill money. Wanna know who comes to my house run that rent money. Other than that I would not ask him about his personal affairs and he would not be allowed to ask me about mine.
The thing about me pushing the exclusive thing; was I wanted to be married. So that means that he has to ask me. So to prepare him to one day take that important knee he first needed to ask to "go steady" as the old people would say. The purpose of dating multiple people is you get to actually know what you like. People are different you get to see how some behaviors that are attractive on one is not attractive on another. You get to see who is fun, who is serious, who plays and is irresponsible and ect. This is so you do not end up to some fool you can not stand or who doesn't sync with your vibration.
Many women are unable to get mates because they date wrong. Stop dating these men one at a time wasting years of your life. If a man wants you, and does not want to lose you he will commit to you. Dating multiple people you learn to dismiss things that do not appeal, suit, or attract to you. You can have an excellent Black man, the problem ladies is ya'll don't present a challenge. Men need challenges. That is unless you are a really aggressive woman that needs a passive man, however even in that case he should pursue commitment to you and not waste your time.
P.S We are ordanied to perform wedding ceromonies.